Is parenthood for you?

Posing the question

For some people this is the world's easiest question — they've always been able to see themselves as parents, they have their life set up the way they want it, and they're ready to go. Others go back and forth on this one for years, or feel the need to do a little serious wobbling before taking the plunge. Some just never get the call.

The hardship factor

Being a parent is really fun, and satisfying in a way you can't fully imagine when you don't have children. And it's really hard work — more work than you can imagine until you've done it.

It's hard because of the sheer volume of demands on your time and energy, with few breaks to refresh and recharge; it's hard because parents almost never have enough time, money, emotional support, training, or preparation to do the job they want to do; it's hard because it puts your own emotional issues squarely in your face as your children inevitably push every button you have; and it's hard because the mistakes you make — and you'll make some, for sure — affect the ones you love the most: your children.

Having a child is a major life change, and because women everywhere bear the major responsibility for raising children, it's a change that in general affects women's lives more than men's. It means adding the way society treats parents (not well) on top of the way society treats women (ditto).

Men as a whole are more involved as parents today than ever before, but the day-to-day housework, meal-making, emotional counseling, childcare, purchasing, and household details and logistics still tend to fall — unpaid — to the woman of the house

That's not to say it's an easy decision for men. Both men and women face unhappy tradeoffs between work and parenthood in modern society, with women usually having to choose parenting to the detriment of work, and men usually having to choose work to the detriment of parenting.

Men's patterns of workaholism, reinforced by most workplaces today, are fueled by a new sense of responsibility for the family. Long hours of work increase the sense of emotional isolation that most men deal with anyway, and many feel frustrated at not being able to be the kind of father they wish they could be.


A reality check

With all the romanticized images of children and parenthood floating around, hardly anyone gets a realistic idea of what it's like to be a parent before they actually become one.

Most people, especially women, are brought up to expect that they'll be parents. From baby dolls to baby showers, girls and women are surrounded by images and expectations from parents, peers, religion, advertising, and the media. But the decision to be a parent is not up to your mother, your father, your friends, your church, or even any expectations you might have grown up with. It's your life, and it's up to you.

As for me

I asked myself this few questions:-

• Do I spend time with children? Do I enjoy it?
• What did I enjoy about being a child? What didn't I enjoy?
• What did I appreciate about the parenting I received? What didn't go well?
• What messages did I get about what a parent is supposed to be?
• How do I feel as I answer these questions?

By evaluating the questions above, I found that there are a lot of learning to do on parenting. Many of us are excited to have children but we may not equip ourselves with the right attitude and mindset to have one. Each of us may come from different backgrounds and upbringing, but let's start our little one(s) upbringing fresh and new. We fall and learn.